Categories
Irish Grassroots Football

Respect

Just back from a trip of a life-time. The Champions League final in Lisbon, after getting an invite from UEFA media partners, I won’t go into it other than to say, it was a glorious experience.

One thing that really got to me about the game was the lack of respect the players and coaching staff showed toward each other and the referee. I’m not going to go into to much detail, but when players start to celebrate a victory before the game has ended, shows a lack of respect and class.

The professional game is the entertainment business and the players are paid to perform and entertain but they can still show class and respect. The development Zone is the grassroots game and it is here we can teach the players about values including respect. If they don’t make it to the top at least they will have learnt about being respectful.

Ronaldo’s show boating at 3-1 was disrespectful and showed once again that he lacks class. He was conducting himself in a fashion that is simply a display of arrogance, behaving in an egotistic sort of a way.

The spirit of the game has changed in recent years with the influx of the million pound wages and the governing bodies are tolerating cheating, players being disrespectful towards the officials and opponents. All these types of belittling the opponent etc show a lack of respect.

As youth coaches we need to try and change this. We should be teaching our athletes to go out and work hard, play hard, and compete hard in sports and in life without having to attract attention to how we perform. There is nothing wrong with jubilation, but excessive is disrespectful, especially during the game.

The game wasn’t even over the other night and the Real players were continuing to celebrate whilst the game was still on. This showed a complete lack of class and respect. The great John Wooden said to his players during a time out

“Now, remember when this game is over to behave in an appropriate manner. Do not make fools of yourself. Let the alumni and student body do that if they choose. Don’t you do it!”

He went on to say..

“your reaction to victory or defeat is an important part of how you play the game. I wanted my players to display style and class in either situation –  to lose with grace, to win with humility.”

It’s very important to keep things in perspective. Not doing this will harm your peace of mind and affect your ability to prepare and perform. This is possibly why Ronaldo had such a bad game. During the warm he was showboating, he was being disrespectful to the opponent to showing off to the fans. He did not prepare himself well, he prepared in the wrong fashion and it showed in the game. At the end it showed that he and some of his team mates lacked class and respect towards the opponent even when the game was out of sight.

Neither I, nor anyone else is more or less entitled to be here.   Neither I, nor anyone else is better or worse.   Neither my way, nor anyone else’s way is better or worse.  Neither I, nor anyone else is more or less able.   There is no judgment.  We are equal. To respect is to recognise, accept, and honour that idea.  To respect is to honour each of our right to BE. – Unknown

Conclude

It’s important as coaches that we teach youngsters to be considerate of others. This doesn’t mean you can’t work hard, we know that hard work will bring desirable results. Being respectful towards the opponent (COACH & PLAYER) and being alert to consequences of your actions, this is just as important. You must practice what you preach. Every decision you make, will affect others, make sure you pick the right one.

So the next time you see a player showing respect, why not applaud him or her for it. We are quick to ridicule and show our anger but rarely do we show our appreciation towards a player that shows a bit of class (RESPECT). Children learn by imitating adults. Studies have continued to show that this has not changed in recent years. Children have brains like plane paper.

We can say that it is true that children learn best by observing the behaviour of adults and they try to copy it. It is the adults who should watch their behaviour and try becoming a good influence and example for the children. As coaches we can affect a positive or negative change working with children, the effort will be the same. Teaching them about Respect should be an important value to always consider.

How about you? What does respect mean to you? What were your own defining moments that helped shape that meaning?

-End

I always like to hear your opinions and views. If you feel you have something to say, please comment below or email me info@thecoachdiary.com If, you don’t have anything to add then please forward this on to a friend. As always, thanks for reading.

I’m also on twitter @Coachdiary

Categories
Soccer Parents

How to be a supportive parent at your childs game.

We all know that trying to be your child best friend in most cases doesn’t work in the long run. Every parent wants the best for their child.

So what’s the right role? First and foremost your main “job” is to be your child’s best supporter in the game. You are there to support them and not criticise them. Even when they are having a bad day at the office. Then he/she needs your support even more.

I see it all the time, where parents go over the entire game and point out their chill’s mistakes. Not even adults like to hear about the things they did wrong. Kids are no different. In fact you should be the doing the opposite and pointing out the things they did well and with the younger ages we need to be a little more flexible. If a four-year-old works hard on something and does a good job for him/her, praise is certainly appropriate and might need to be slightly exaggerated.

See How to Praise article I posted. 

Feeback

Providing feedback on what he/she did wrong or expressing your disappointment in their play is NOT what they need  to hear and will only serve to make a painful situation much worse. Support and encouragement does NOT mean that you coach from the sidelines. In fact, the VERY WORST THING that you as a parent can do is to “coach” from the sidelines. See Silent Sideline

What’ do I mean by coaching?

Offering “helpful” advice and your views on the game before and during the it, telling your child what to do and where to go, criticising their play and getting frustrated with them when they make mistakes are all examples of what not to do. This exceedingly destructive parental behaviour is all we seem to hear and see theses days. After game evaluating is another example of VERY destructive parental coaching behaviour. Children learn at different stages, stop forcing the process.

The large numbers of parents attending kids sports games these days, is relatively a new thing.  Years ago we didn’t that many parents on the sidelines and although it’s great to have them, they need to be educated on how to behave and react to their child participation. Parents need to understand that they are not helping the child when they coach them, nor are they helping the team. As a coach I know that once the game is underway I have very little impact on the outcome. The impact I have on my teams performance happens during the week. The game belongs to them, it’s their time to shine and perform.

Parents need to realise that all the shouting and directing will NOT get them (the kids) to play better. You are NOT motivating them, even if you know the game and that’s your intention! Coaching and instructing from the sidelines will distract your child from the flow of the game, make him/her more nervous, kill his/her enjoyment and, as a consequence, insure that he will consistently play badly. Keep in mind that your “so called helpful” sideline comments are more often then not experienced by your child as an embarrassment. If you can’t say anything positive, then shut up and observe. You will see  a lot more and the experience will be better for everyone.

Instructions

Coaching instructions are only appropriate from the coaches, NOT the parents. Instead, parents should observe from the sidelines, cheer for good execution (skill or attempt at skill) regardless of which side it comes from, and encourage fair play and good sportsmanship.

This means that you as a parent need to model appropriate, mature behaviours during the game. Shouting at your child, his teammates or the opponents is NOT mature, appropriate behaviour. Loudly criticising the refs is NOT mature or appropriate either. It is NOT your job to ridicule the referees. So regardless of how well you may know this game, your loud screams are not wanted. Loudly complaining to the ref every time he/she makes a “what you think is a bad decision” is not only an embarrassment to your child, but it’s quite selfish on your part as you are inflecting your opinions on the game and It takes the focus of the game, off the kids and onto you where it shouldn’t be.

Kids Game, Be Respectful.

Remember, football is about the kids, NOT the adults, the game belongs to them and it is NOT appropriate for parents to spend their sideline time moaning to other parents about the team’s coaches and the playing or tactical decisions that they make. If you have a problem with the coaches then deal with them at an appropriate time and place, NOT before, during or right after a game. The vast majority of coaches are volunteers (they give up their time for FREE), they don’t get paid for their time and are doing the best job that they can. What they need from you is your support and help, NOT your disgust and/or criticism.

Don’t sweat not being in the squad. Don’t worry about starting on the bench. Don’t panic about the level you’re playing at. You’ll get in the team. You’ll get to play from the first minute. You’ll move up a level. But only if you commit 100% to learning, developing and improving. Sports Psychologist Dan Abrahams

Finally, try to act on the sidelines in a way that would make your son or daughter proud to have you as a parent. Remember, your child is not the only one that’s performing during the game. You are also a performer ( A SILENT ONE) and the quality of their experience is firmly in your hands. Conduct yourself in such a way that you clearly communicate to your child and those around you that this is just a recreational game for children, played by children for FUN.

Also, if there are other parents around you who are unable to maintain this kind of perspective, it’s not your job to react to them for misbehaving. Let the coach or club educate them on what is expected from them on the sidelines.

Football is a wonderful avenue to help your children learn valuable life long lessons. Do your part to insure that these lessons they are learning are constructive, positive and most importantly FUN!

-End

I always like to hear your opinions. Please comment below or email me info@thecoachdiary.com If, you don’t have anything to add then please forward this on to a friend. Thanks for reading. I’m also on twitter @Coachdiary