communication – The Coach Diary Football Blog

Things Coaches Do That Drive Parents Crazy

We all have the things that parents do that drive us crazy but here are somethings that coaches do that make parents a little annoyed about how we go about coaching their child (ren). Over the years I have received many emails and phone calls in relation to coaching children or not coaching children.

“Players should be seen as children first, students second and players last“

Here are 10 things that are regularly brought up by parents:

Coaches don’t communicate: Communication is the number way to get you message across to the players but also the parents. When you don’t communicate with the parents they start to make assumptions and talk behind your back. Lesson number one communicate with the parents regularly. Organise a team meeting at the start and end of the season.
Not having a coaching philosophy: Now, your club may have one so it’s always best to let the parents know what it is. Your way is the only way is not the way to go about this. There are many ways to develop kids and they all need something different. What works for one, may not work for the other.
Your goals may not be the same as the players: Your motivation to succeed may not be the same as the players or parents. From day one set out your goals and aspirations by communicating them. There must be a complete buy-in otherwise you will have problems further down the line. Match your wants with those of the players. Remember most kids get into sports for fun, fitness reasons, be with friends etc.
Having Favourites: We all want to have a successful team but the most successful teams are the ones that give all kids a chance to develop. Every child deserves the same level of attention from you. Do not focus on the better players. Look to try and get the best out of the weaker ones also.
Not taking other commitments into consideration: The kids and families have other commitments. Be considerate to other sports, school and family commitments. if a child is playing other sports, he is still training and trying to improve. Communication is key here.
Letting your standards drop for certain kids: Don’t be inconsistent with the players, this really annoys parents. Being late, not showing up, messing about, not listening are common team rules that apply to everyone. Enforce the rules on everyone in the squad.
Not knowing how to discipline: Another area where coaches can get it so wrong. It takes the same energy to shout and get annoyed as it does to be respectful and calm. Shouting and using a dictatorial style of coaching will only get you so far. Coaches need to have clear, consistent ways of dealing with difficult, destructive and distracting players so that as little time as possible is wasted on words and actions that don’t directly contribute to improving the kids.
Not showing up: If you prepared to take on this difficult task of coaching. Then you must show up prepared to show up. And what I mean by that is you must be prepared to improve the players. If your team aren’t performing and you’re constantly to the same things in training you will get the same results. You must arrive at training prepared, focused and ready to improve your team. Any team can grow but the growth starts with you. Using your mobile phone, talking to other parents or coaches and not being 100% focused is also regarded as Not Showing Up!
Time: Our time is our most important asset and you should never underestimate the value of it. After all most of you give your time for FREE. The most important things to parents are 1. Children, 2. Time and 3. Money. Parents pay coaches and/or clubs for their kids to play and be coached in a specific sport. Most are rushing home from work and taxing the entire weekend to get kids to and from training & games. I’m sure there are plenty of other things parents could be doing. As coaches we need to be mindful of parents time. Not sticking to when training finishes can be very frustrating for parents. Also the time you give each player can be another area of concern. Certain kids may need more of your time and it’s important to give it equally.
Not making it fun: Most of us are working with kids from age 4 up. Players should be seen as children first, students second and players last. Follow this simple rule and things will be a lot easier for you. Look to make things fun first and then shape you session around the ability of the players. Every child wants to improve and get better but they won’t all improve at the same time. Always focus on what’s best for the child.

Coaches, especially volunteer don’t get a lot of thanks for the time and effort they put in. Many have their own families but devote their own time to other peoples kids. Many of you who read this blog have given up 10s of years doing just that. However if you decide to get involved in coaching then you must be prepared to put in the time. Self development is the one way you can improve your team. If you want to better them then you must be prepared to better yourself.

The number one thing you must consider when coaching is communicating with the parents and players in your squad. The more you do this the less problems you will have and I’m not talking about team dynamics or player performances after a game (although important). I’m talking about communicating what needs to be understood in relation to team rules, respect, training times, your philosophy, beliefs or areas the child needs to work on.

One thing I’ve learnt is that when you are demanding more from a player (in training etc), make sure you also communicate this to his/her parent, that way if for any reason you have to release a player at least you had had some sort of dialogue leading up to your decision. This is the one area that a lot coaches never seem to get right!

Please feel free to comment below on the things you would add to the above list!

– End

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How Does a Good Coach Communicate?

Communication can be defined as ‘The Receiving and Giving of Information between Two or More People.’ We receive information primarily with our eyes and ears. We give information mainly verbally, with our actions or in writing.

As a football coach here is a test I would like you to try. How much of the time time with you players do you spend receiving information from the players and how much time giving information to the players. Pick the answer that is closest to your coaching communication style.

When I am communicating with my players I spend

Less than 25% of the time receiving information.
Between 25% and 50% receiving information.
Receiving and Giving Information 50% each.
Between 50% and 75% receiving information,
75% or more of time receiving information.

If you are closer to number 1 you favour giving information over receiving it and if you are between 3 and 5 you value taking in information.

As a coach is it possible to give correct information to the players if we have not taken in information from them? Stephen Covey in his bestselling book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ says:

‘It is important to understand before we seek to be understood. To me it is critical the coach understands the information he is getting from his players before he draws conclusions and makes his coaching points or decisions’.

So how does a coach take in that information?

As stated earlier he uses his eyes and his ears to receive information. The use of the eyes to receive information in coaching terms is known as observation. The coach must observe his players. This is best done in silence with the coach maybe standing a little bit away from the play and concentrating on the parts of the game or training he wants to observe. Observation works best when the coach has decided before hand which areas to concentrate on e.g. attacking play, defending etc. That may require more flexibility during a match as it develops.

Are Irish coaches good at observation?

I believe it is the weakest area and the one that needs most work. I hear coaches who fail their Youths Badge regularly complain that they did not get a fair deal. Without them telling me I ask ‘Did you fail on observation?’ A lot of them did. Do you know what, the FAI tutors were right. I watch the sessions and I would fail them on observation also.

They are so keen to get in a make a coaching point and shout Stop Stand Still that they forget to observe what is happening in front of them. So without the right information how can you make the right coaching intervention?

The second way to get information from the Players is with your ears. So how do we do this in Coaching Context? I have used the Guided Discover Method of Coaching for the last five years. Guided Discovery dates back to Socrates but is little used. I and Aaron Callaghan, the Bohemians Manager have worked together on it over the years and I know others are advocates of the approach. It is the approach we are introducing in the Kildare Academy.

Guided Discovery

allows players learn by linking the training activities and tasks with questions asked by the coach who seeks to gain information from the players. This information will help the coach understand

The level of understanding the players have of the task.
Solutions to football problems the players may have themselves.
The level of fun the players are having.
The pace of progression required.

To get the information the coach needs to observe and then ask questions. The questions can be simple with young players ‘When should you pass?’ to more complex questions. as they progress ‘When should you mark tight or when do you mark space? The coach then really needs to listen attentively to the players answers. I have observed many situations where the coach asks the question but then answers himself. That tells the coach nothing about the players’ progress just reinforces the information he already has.

So for Guided Discover to work:

Observe the practice.
Stop the practice at the point that you want information.
Ask the question or questions.
Listen to the answers attentively.
Then make your coaching point quickly and demonstrate or preferably get the players to demonstrate.

Once we have received all the information we require as Coaches it is now time to deal with giving of information.How do we give information as coaches?

It is mainly verbally or by our actions with very little in writing. With our actions we can send a message by dropping a player for instance. The main tool however for delivering information as a coach is verbally. The components of Verbal communication are Words, Tone and Body Language. It is the part of coaching we are all most familiar with.

The coach shouting instruction for the side line. The coach bursting a gut to get the players attention so he can shout at him. Now a lot of coaches will defend this by saying I am shouting valuable information. So here is an interesting piece of research.

7% of communication is transmitted through words
38% of communication is transmitted through tone
55% of communication is transmitted through Body Language

Now you must remember that that research deals with adults who are communicating in a normal verbal manner not players running around a field trying to concentrate on a practice or a game. So even if the coach is using positive words but has to shout the tone may come across as negative. If the coach is standing on the side-line with a cross face and arms folded it really doesn’t matter what words he is using the player will know the coach is unhappy. Think of how this might affect young players. So it is clear the speeches and long talks no matter how well thought out will have little positive effect.

In my opinion I believe a good coach communicator is one who

Observes all the time
Listens a lot.
Asks considered questions.
Gives information in short bursts using demonstration more than words.
Never shouts.

This post was written by Mike Geoghegan

Academy Director Kildare Underage League and Head Coach Naas AFC.