Category: Soccer Parents

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Soccer Parents

How to be a supportive parent at your childs game.

We all know that trying to be your child best friend in most cases doesn’t work in the long run. Every parent wants the best for their child.

So what’s the right role? First and foremost your main “job” is to be your child’s best supporter in the game. You are there to support them and not criticise them. Even when they are having a bad day at the office. Then he/she needs your support even more.

I see it all the time, where parents go over the entire game and point out their chill’s mistakes. Not even adults like to hear about the things they did wrong. Kids are no different. In fact you should be the doing the opposite and pointing out the things they did well and with the younger ages we need to be a little more flexible. If a four-year-old works hard on something and does a good job for him/her, praise is certainly appropriate and might need to be slightly exaggerated.

See How to Praise article I posted. 

Feeback

Providing feedback on what he/she did wrong or expressing your disappointment in their play is NOT what they need  to hear and will only serve to make a painful situation much worse. Support and encouragement does NOT mean that you coach from the sidelines. In fact, the VERY WORST THING that you as a parent can do is to “coach” from the sidelines. See Silent Sideline

What’ do I mean by coaching?

Offering “helpful” advice and your views on the game before and during the it, telling your child what to do and where to go, criticising their play and getting frustrated with them when they make mistakes are all examples of what not to do. This exceedingly destructive parental behaviour is all we seem to hear and see theses days. After game evaluating is another example of VERY destructive parental coaching behaviour. Children learn at different stages, stop forcing the process.

The large numbers of parents attending kids sports games these days, is relatively a new thing.  Years ago we didn’t that many parents on the sidelines and although it’s great to have them, they need to be educated on how to behave and react to their child participation. Parents need to understand that they are not helping the child when they coach them, nor are they helping the team. As a coach I know that once the game is underway I have very little impact on the outcome. The impact I have on my teams performance happens during the week. The game belongs to them, it’s their time to shine and perform.

Parents need to realise that all the shouting and directing will NOT get them (the kids) to play better. You are NOT motivating them, even if you know the game and that’s your intention! Coaching and instructing from the sidelines will distract your child from the flow of the game, make him/her more nervous, kill his/her enjoyment and, as a consequence, insure that he will consistently play badly. Keep in mind that your “so called helpful” sideline comments are more often then not experienced by your child as an embarrassment. If you can’t say anything positive, then shut up and observe. You will see  a lot more and the experience will be better for everyone.

Instructions

Coaching instructions are only appropriate from the coaches, NOT the parents. Instead, parents should observe from the sidelines, cheer for good execution (skill or attempt at skill) regardless of which side it comes from, and encourage fair play and good sportsmanship.

This means that you as a parent need to model appropriate, mature behaviours during the game. Shouting at your child, his teammates or the opponents is NOT mature, appropriate behaviour. Loudly criticising the refs is NOT mature or appropriate either. It is NOT your job to ridicule the referees. So regardless of how well you may know this game, your loud screams are not wanted. Loudly complaining to the ref every time he/she makes a “what you think is a bad decision” is not only an embarrassment to your child, but it’s quite selfish on your part as you are inflecting your opinions on the game and It takes the focus of the game, off the kids and onto you where it shouldn’t be.

Kids Game, Be Respectful.

Remember, football is about the kids, NOT the adults, the game belongs to them and it is NOT appropriate for parents to spend their sideline time moaning to other parents about the team’s coaches and the playing or tactical decisions that they make. If you have a problem with the coaches then deal with them at an appropriate time and place, NOT before, during or right after a game. The vast majority of coaches are volunteers (they give up their time for FREE), they don’t get paid for their time and are doing the best job that they can. What they need from you is your support and help, NOT your disgust and/or criticism.

Don’t sweat not being in the squad. Don’t worry about starting on the bench. Don’t panic about the level you’re playing at. You’ll get in the team. You’ll get to play from the first minute. You’ll move up a level. But only if you commit 100% to learning, developing and improving. Sports Psychologist Dan Abrahams

Finally, try to act on the sidelines in a way that would make your son or daughter proud to have you as a parent. Remember, your child is not the only one that’s performing during the game. You are also a performer ( A SILENT ONE) and the quality of their experience is firmly in your hands. Conduct yourself in such a way that you clearly communicate to your child and those around you that this is just a recreational game for children, played by children for FUN.

Also, if there are other parents around you who are unable to maintain this kind of perspective, it’s not your job to react to them for misbehaving. Let the coach or club educate them on what is expected from them on the sidelines.

Football is a wonderful avenue to help your children learn valuable life long lessons. Do your part to insure that these lessons they are learning are constructive, positive and most importantly FUN!

-End

I always like to hear your opinions. Please comment below or email me info@thecoachdiary.com If, you don’t have anything to add then please forward this on to a friend. Thanks for reading. I’m also on twitter @Coachdiary

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Soccer Parents

A great poem about A kids first game

I found this poem about a Kids First Game:

You Can Download it Here> This is your first game

Please support the campaign, to help improve participation in Kids Sports.

 

You can Sign up for the Silent Sideline Weekend

SATURDAY 29th & SUNDAY 30th March 2014

Fill out my online form.

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I always like to hear your opinions. Please comment below or email me info@thecoachdiary.com If, you don’t have anything to add then please forward this on to a friend. Thanks for reading. I’m also on twitter @Coachdiary 

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Soccer Parents

A Message To Parents

Watching your children not playing is so challenging. It can be harder on you than it is on them. Don’t make it worse by living below the surface through rage, back-stabbing the coach, talking negative about the training or other players, and even filling the house with bitterness.

Your words can be an even heavier burden. Disappointment is a fact of life but bitterness, shame and rage do not have to be. Work to help your son or daughter become a more powerful, healthy and mentally tough person. Teach them about values and how to deal with with disappointment. Not every coach is going to be fair and understand what is being fair. In fact most believe they are doing the right thing, they just know any other way. That’s life, the entire process is learning about what you believe to be right and/or wrong and learning to overcome it.

“Certainly, disappointment is not a pleasant emotion; it feels really bad, in fact. But that doesn’t mean it is a bad emotion to be avoided at all costs. To the contrary, disappointment is actually a healthy and positive emotion that plays an essential role in children’s emotional, intellectual, and social development. But only if-and it’s a big if-you and your children understand the real value of in helping them to achieve their goals.” – Jim Taylor, Ph.D.

Studies have shown that, how your children learn to respond to disappointment will determine its impact on their future achievement and happiness. You can teach your children to see stumbling blocks as opportunities to improve and grow. Offering your children a different perspective on their disappointment- “I know it feels horrible right now, but what can you learn from it?” – gives them tools they can use to avoid or minimise their disappointment in the future, and to turn the obstacles to their advantage by increasing resilience, motivation, and confidence. Make sure they don’t feel bad about themselves, teach them to use the experiences by showing them that they can conquer their past failures. Don’t show your disappointment as this will only double the burden and then they will realise they let you down. Disappointment is part of life and teaching your child how to react to it, is what matters most.

“Childhood disappointment is actually a practice lap on the course to adulthood. If you run interference whenever disappointment threatens, you’re setting kids up to run a marathon without ever letting them train for it,” Says, Allison Armstrong

People fail more in sport than any other field, you can tell them how common it is for young players to fail. This is part of the progress and a stepping stone to improvement. This is an opportunity to encourage them to keep working hard and for you to express your confidence in them by showing that you believe they will get better.

Here are some suggestions on how to respond to your children’s disappointments:

  • Allow your children to feel disappointment about the setback, don’t suppress their emotions. These is their opportunity to express how they feel through words;
  • Don’t put a “spin” on the situation to make your children feel better;
  • Support your children, but don’t give them a consolation prize;
  • Help your children find ways to overcome the causes of their disappointment;
  • Tell your children that they will survive these disappointments and will achieve their goals if they keep trying hard;
  • Teach them that life is one big lesson, it’s how you deal with disappointments that really matters;
  • Finally, make sure they know you care for them regardless of their successes or failures. After all, it’s just a game.
  • Let them know how much you LOVE watching them play.

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”

The Butterfly

There was a great story about a young boy who observed a butterfly unable to emerge from a cocoon. The butterfly appeared to be struggling and in pain. He rushed into the kitchen and brought out a scissors. He carefully snipped the cocoon open and the butterfly was free. But the butterfly’s wings where twisted. He later learned, the struggle and pain the butterfly must endure to emerge from the cocoon were necessary for it to fly. This story is so relative to how children learn, grow and deal with struggle and disappointment. Sometimes we just need to let them figure it out for themselves and not be so quick to propel them along.

Parents, take a deep breath and avoid the reactive impulse to rescue your children from disappointment, it could be the very thing they need to become the best they can be.

Disappointment can propel us to great heights if we deal with it well, keep working hard and you will over come them.

Sports Psychologist Dan Abrahams will be in Dublin on the 8th March, this will be a great opportunity for anybody involved in youth sports to listen to the power of positivity.

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I always like to hear your opinions. Please comment below or email me info@thecoachdiary.com If, you don’t have anything to add then please forward this on to a friend. Thanks for reading. I’m also on twitter @Coachdiary

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Irish Grassroots Football Soccer Parents

Our Children Have NO Freedom

Our kids can no longer play with the freedom we played with. In fact, I believe our kids will never have the freedom we had as kids.

Milk Run

When I was 6/7, I use to help the milk man. I’d leave my house at 6.45am and head off with a man unknown to my parents, – well they knew him as the milk man, his first name and that was pretty much it. They didn’t have a mobile number for him, he wasn’t Garda vetted and they didn’t even know what time I’d be back. Like me, most of us went out in the morning and didn’t come back until dinner time.

“Children left to their own devices will gravitate towards the things they love, and they love being outdoors. For every really miserable wet week, there’s been some sort of amazing experience outdoors that we’ve had together,”

As a child I had so much freedom, I spent most of my boyhood life outdoors. From the greens to the beaches eventually back to the greens. I roamed within 2 square miles of my house. Most kids wander freely only as far as their garden gate and even playing out the back unattended can be unique experience for a lot of kids.

Let Kids Explore

Back then we explored our world, we got mucky, we ran after each other with worms, we climbed trees, walls, fences, we jumped far and leapt over hedges. We explored dangerous places and frolicked in austere ones such as cemeteries and building sites. We even had pocket knives, sling shots and sticks. I can say for sure that I didn’t feel like my bedroom defined me as a child. My outdoor space did. Our children will be much more defined in their psyches by their indoor space than my brothers and sisters or I were.

A mothers view,  “Peer pressure is very strong,” agrees Helen. “You think you can make the world afresh for your children, you think you can make your own rules for your children, but you can’t.”

“Society’s fears of the risks that lurk outside for children – from ponds to stranger danger – may be overwrought and irrational, but anxiety (the defining characteristic of British families, according to a Unicef report on child wellbeing) about traffic is more logical. The growth in road traffic is probably the decisive factor preventing children playing on the streets as they once did. The Bonds live on a quiet residential road, but the traffic is still relentless, says Bond. “Until they are a lot older, I don’t feel comfortable with them cycling or walking around on the roads outside.”

You see, we are all the same. Not only is it British parents who feel like this but, us Irish do also in fact the worlds parents do. The stats show that the world is no more dangerous then it was was the 50’s but yet we fear everything. Our kids don’t get enough time outdoors and when they do, it is controlled by adults. Adults control everything their children do, you go to any playground and most adults are shadowing their children, telling them what to do and were not to go. We take them home when we’ve had enough. Today’s child just don’t move enough and when they do we shadow and tell them to slow down. Then we wonder why they lack balance and coordination in sport.

Where Are All the Mucky Kids?

Isn’t it amazing, that we tell our kids not to pick up dirt, a slug, a snail. We tell them to ‘get up off the floor’, we stop them from exploring all the time.  From a very young age we teach to be scared of spiders, we pass on our fears to them. If we react to anything our kids will follow without allowing them to decide for themselves. The natural world is fun and we should be allowing our kids to explore it more, a lot more.

“You know it is summer when everyone starts worrying about children not playing outside unsupervised anymore. A report from the Future Foundation says that the average amount for eight- to 10-year-olds playing unsupervised in the summer holidays has fallen from 55 “occasions” in the 1950s and 1960s to 24 now. Cue parental nostalgia for their own unsupervised summer holidays.”

I’m sure these figures are wrong, who in their right mind is letting 8-10 years old out 24 times during the summer and when would it be convenient to send the social services around? 🙂

street footballParents Back off, give the kids time to explore and discover

What do children need, security, self-expression, discipline etc, yet there’s never mention of one of the most important – privacy. Basically, there’s too much parental ego flying around. Modern parents need to learn that it is not all about them, centre-stage, being great hands-on parents. Sometimes, it is really about parents staying away and allowing the kids some freedom.

Could you imagine a game at the weekend with no parents on either sidelines. I’m dreaming, so are the refs!!

“You can’t teach creativity; all you can do is let it blossom, and it blossoms in play.” – Peter Gray

Read a debate, I just had about this quote here DEBATE

Could you imagine if one of our parents showed up when we were playing- “This looks fun! Can I play too?” To reproduce anything close to the freedom, we as children used to enjoy, modern parents need to back off. What do kids love more now a days? ‘A play date’, and ‘a sleepover’, these are the things kids dream for and a successful one is when the kids are barely aware you’re there. It’s all about invisible supervision, the passive parental presence. Independent adventure was central to a child’s development when we grew up, now it’s parental/child adventure……which is great, but not every-time kids play.

Adrian Voce, director of the campaign group Play England, said:

“While some fears – such as ‘stranger danger’ – may not be based on strong evidence, there is no doubt that the public realm is now very unfriendly to children. “For all of human history the way children have learned about the world has been to explore it. If they get everything they know from television and classrooms, they are missing out on a fundamental part of the learning experience.”

Margaret Morrissey, from the ParentsOutloud support group, said:

“I feel terribly sorry for parents and children today as we have allowed a society to develop in which the freedom of childhood has been lost.”

Sports

This reflect how we react to kids on playing fields, we want them to do things we can do (and in most cases can’t do) without letting them discover it for themselves. We expect them to understand the game of football, before they can understand it for themselves. As we control so much of their lives, we think it’s ok to control their sport and how they learn and develop. We control their recreational time from start to finish, we bring them to it, we give our opinions during and after it and we don’t allow the kids freedom to think and explore for themselves.

What the children see on a sports pitch and what you see is completely different. Even the view you have of the game and the view they have, is different. The sports pitch can in some case be the only place a child has the opportunity to experience freedom, make mistakes but even that is taken away by the consistent actions and demands by adults from the sidelines.

In reference to school, we don’t expect kids to write sentences in junior infants, when they are still learning letters. Teachers allow the kids to develop over time in a structured way, it’s only kids sports were we seem to demand more sooner. We want them to play and think like adults but we forget they’re kids.

So, my point is to let the kids play with freedom, give them some space alone and allow them explore.

Psychologist Peter Gray writes, “playing is learning. At play, children learn the most important of life’s lessons, the ones that cannot be taught in school. To learn these lessons well, children need lots of play — lots and lots of it, without interference from adults.”

He goes on to say “You can’t teach creativity; all you can do is let it blossom. Little children, before they start school, are naturally creative. Our greatest innovators, the ones we call geniuses, are those who somehow retain that childhood capacity, and build on it, right through adulthood. Albert Einstein, who apparently hated school, referred to his achievements in theoretical physics and mathematics as ‘combinatorial play’.”

“A great deal of research has shown that people are most creative when infused by the spirit of play, when they see themselves as engaged in a task just for fun.”

“Children today are cossetted and pressured in equal measure. Without the freedom to play they will never grow up.” – Peter Gray

 Read Peter Gray’s BLOG

-End

I always like to hear your opinions. Please comment below or email me info@thecoachdiary.com If, you don’t have anything to add then please forward this on to a friend. Thanks for reading.

I’m also on twitter @Coachdiary

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Soccer Parents

Understanding Bullying

A big part of coaching is teaching the kids you coach about respect and teaching them to accept others for they way they are. Nothing worse then to find out that your own child has gotten into trouble for picking on someone or is part of a gang that has been bullying other kids.

As difficult as it may be to process this news, it’s important to deal with it right away. Whether the bullying is physical or verbal, if it’s not stopped it can lead to more aggressive antisocial behaviour and interfere with your child’s success in school and ability to form and sustain friendships.

“Never take a person’s dignity: it is worth everything to them, and nothing to you”.

Understanding Bullying Behavior

Kids bully for many reasons. Some bully because they feel insecure. Picking on someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker provides a feeling of being more important, popular, or in control. In other cases,kids bully because they simply don’t know that it’s unacceptable to pick on kids who are different because of size, looks, race, or religion.

In some cases bullying is a part of an ongoing pattern of defiant or aggressive behavior. These kids are likely to need help learning to manage anger and hurt, frustration, or other strong emotions. They may not have the skills they need to cooperate with others. Professional counseling can often help them learn to deal with their feelings, curb their bullying, and improve their social skills.

Some kids who bully at school and in settings with their peers are copying behavior that they see at home. Kids who are exposed to aggressive and unkind interactions in the family often learn to treat others the same way. And kids who are on the receiving end of taunting learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.

“What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life?” – Lynette Mather

Helping Kids Stop Bullying

Let your child know that bullying is unacceptable and that there will be serious consequences at home, school, and in the community if it continues.

Try to understand the reasons behind your child’s behavior. In some cases, kids bully because they have trouble managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or insecurity. In other cases, kids haven’t learned cooperative ways to work out conflicts and understand differences.

Tactics to Try

Take bullying seriously:

Make sure your kids understand that you will not tolerate bullying at home or anywhere else. Establish rules about bullying and stick to them. If you punish your child by taking away privileges, be sure it’s meaningful. For example, if your child bullies other kids via email, text messages, or a social networking site, dock phone or computer privileges for a period of time. If your child acts aggressively at home, with siblings or others, put a stop to it. Teach more appropriate (and nonviolent) ways to react, like walking away.

Teach kids to treat others with respect and kindness:

 Teach your child that it is wrong to ridicule differences (i.e., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status) and try to instill a sense of empathy for those who are different. Consider getting involved together in a community group where your child can interact with kids who are different.

  • Learn about your child’s social life. Look for insight into the factors that may be influencing your child’s behavior in the school environment (or wherever the bullying is occurring). Talk with parents of your child’s friends and peers, teachers, guidance counselors, and the school principal. Do other kids bully? What about your child’s friends? What kinds of pressures do the kids face at school? Talk to your kids about those relationships and about the pressures to fit in. Get them involved in activities outside of school so that they meet and develop friendships with other kids.
  • Encourage good behavior. Positive reinforcement can be more powerful than negative discipline. Catch your kids being good — and when they handle situations in ways that are constructive or positive, take notice and praise them for it.
  • Set a good example. Think carefully about how you talk around your kids and how you handle conflict and problems. If you behave aggressively — toward or in front of your kids — chances are they’ll follow your example. Instead, point out positives in others, rather than negatives. And when conflicts arise in your own life, be open about the frustrations you have and how you cope with your feelings.

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”

Starting at Home

When looking for the influences on your child’s behavior, look first at what’s happening at home. Kids who live with yelling, name-calling, putdowns, harsh criticism, or physical anger from a sibling or parent/caregiver may act that out in other settings.

It’s natural — and common — for kids to fight with their siblings at home. And unless there’s a risk of physical violence it’s wise not to get involved. But monitor the name-calling and any physical altercations and be sure to talk to each child regularly about what’s acceptable and what’s not.

It’s important to keep your own behavior in check too. Watch how you talk to your kids, and how you react to your own strong emotions when they’re around. There will be situations that warrant discipline and constructive criticism. But take care not to let that slip into name-calling and accusations. If you’re not pleased with your child’s behavior, stress that it’s the behavior that you’d like your child to change, and you have confidence that he or she can do it.

If your family is going through a stressful life event that you feel may have contributed to your child’s behavior, reach out for help from the resources at school and in your community. Guidance counselors, pastors, therapists, and your doctor can help.

Getting Help

To help a child stop bullying, talk with teachers, guidance counselors, and other school officials who can help you identify situations that lead to bullying and provide assistance.

Your doctor also might be able to help. If your child has a history of arguing, defiance, and trouble controlling anger, consider an evaluation with a therapist or behavioral health professional.

As difficult and frustrating as it can be to help kids stop bullying, remember that bad behavior won’t just stop on its own. Think about the success and happiness you want your kids to find in school, work, and relationships throughout life, and know that curbing bullying now is progress toward those goals.

Article by:

D’Arcy Lyness, PhD

Behavioral Health Editor, KidsHealth
Child and Adolescent Psychologist
Wayne, PA

If you are affected by Bullying please contact REACHOUT.IE for help.

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I always like to hear your opinions. Please comment below or email me info@thecoachdiary.com If, you don’t have anything to add then please forward this on to a friend. Thanks for reading.

I’m also on twitter @Coachdiary

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Childrens Health Soccer Parents

15 of the best blogs on preventing sports injuries in kids by Summer Nanny.com

Emma sent me this post from summernanny.com it’s certainly relevant to the coming weeks in Irish kids football; looking at some of the fixtures of u11s kids, due to the bad weather we know have a back-log of games. I noticed one team having 5 games this week and I’m talking about 10 and 11 year olds. This will most likely be the case for the next month for some of these teams. I wonder who would be liable if a child was to suffer injuries due to this amount of games, which could be potential 15/20 in one month?

As kids become more active in high level sports, they are also suffering from far more injuries related to those sports than ever before. As a parent, you are not helpless when it comes to injuries and your kids.

Make sure that you provide your kids with high quality, well-fitting equipment to play in.

Take opportunities to educate yourself about common injuries and how they can be prevented by using the right safety equipment and by your child taking the right preventative measures. Many injuries can be prevented simple by properly warming up and stretching. Find out more information for preventing sports injuries in the following 15 blog entries.

Often kids don’t want to wear protective gear because they think other kids will make fun of them or that it will affect how well they play.

Common Injuries in Kids

The following entries go over the most common sports injuries in kids.  Just being aware of what can happen to a child while playing a sport can make you more aware of different symptoms to look for.  Do you know the signs of a concussion?  Concussions can be fatal if left untreated or ignored.  Children, unlike adult athletes, are still growing and often suffer growth plate related injuries.  For details on these common sports injuries and more, read the next five blog posts.

Common injury areasUse the Right Equipment

Many injuries can be prevented just by using the right equipment, such as wearing protective eyewear and using mouth guards.  By wearing the correct helmet, a serious brain injury can be prevented if a child falls off a bike or gets tackled on a football field.

Often kids don’t want to wear protective gear because they think other kids will make fun of them or that it will affect how well they play.  If the equipment fits them well, however, it should not affect how they play since it was designed to keep them safe during activity.

For more information on how equipment can prevent injuries, read through these five blog articles.

How to Prevent Injuries

As a parent, you can actively help prevent your child from getting injured.  Make sure that the rules are explained in detail to him.  Make sure he understands the rules and knows how to use the equipment safely.  Learn how to prevent injuries by reading through these five blogs entries.

By Summer Nanny blog

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Psychology Soccer Parents

Parents should be seen and not heard…!

We all have them and we all hate them (joke). Some of us have left teams because of them and others have even had them banned from the club. Yes, PARENTS, that’s who I’m taking about, the ones that rant and rage all game long (not all). The worst offenders are ego-driven parents who take personally any slights to their children on the pitch. All that a side, their are some absolutely brilliant parents out there who give up so much time to bring their kids to and from training etc and never interfere in their kids football, but these are mostly few in these times.

Maybe we should pre-warn parents and tell them, “you might get angry on the side lines and attached are some tips to deal with it’. Below are some excerpts from a study about parent behaviour on the sidelines, mostly from the US.

A recent study showed – by Jay D. Goldstein

Overall, about half of the parents in the study reported getting angry during games, and nearly 40 percent of the angry parents made their emotions known. These sideline expressions ranged from muttering or yelling comments to walking onto or near the pitch.

“Their own sense of their personal worth gets wrapped up in how their children are doing in these ball games,” said Edward Deci, a psychologist at the University of Rochester in New York. ” And so the parents feel intense, internal pressure to see their kids performing because the kids are like extensions of themselves.”

Coach: ” so what is your favorite position? “
Player: ” center midfield”
Coach: ” Interesting. Is that because you see yourself as a good playmaker? “
Player: ” No its because my dad is one side and my coach is on the other and sometimes if i’m in midfield, I can’t hear either of them. “

340 parents of 8- to 15-year-old soccer players were evaluated on personality and ego characteristics, feelings of anger and pressure, and aggressive behaviour.

The Results

  • 47% of parents reported no anger-causing events while watching their kids play.
  • 53% did get angry.

Of those who did feel anger, what made them flare up?

  • 19% blamed the referee.
  • 15% said they got angry at how their kid’s team played.
  • 7% said the opponents behaved badly.
  • 5% reported hostile remarks set them off.
  • 5% blamed coaches.

Researchers concluded that the effect of ego defensiveness and taking things personally was strongly linked to feelings of anger and aggressive actions. Those who were more “control-oriented” were more ego defensive. They viewed actions in the soccer game as attacks against them or their children.

“In general, control-oriented people are the kind who try to ‘keep up with the Joneses,'” Goldstein said in a news release.”They have a harder time controlling their reactions. They more quickly become one of ‘those’ parents than the parents who are able to separate their ego from their kids and events on the field.”

Goldstein calls parents who are more even-keeled and able to regulate their emotions “autonomy-oriented parents.” They get angry too, he says, and when they do it’s because their ego gets in the way.

“While they’re more able to control it, once they react to the psychological trigger, the train has already left the station.”

To ease anger on the playing field, Goldstein suggests these tips:

  • Take deep breaths (inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds).
  • Suck on a lollipop. (Occupies your mouth and reminds you that you’re there for your child.)
  • Visualize a relaxing experience like floating on water.
  • Repeat a calm word or phrase.
  • Do yoga-like muscle stretches.
  • Replace angry thoughts with rational ones, such as “This is my child’s game, not mine,” or “Mistakes are opportunities to learn.”
  • Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head. Count to 10 and think about possible responses.
  • If you did not see the game, first ask your child “How did you play?” rather than “Did you win?”
  • Praise your child’s effort, and then, maybe, comment on the results.
  • Use humor, but avoid harsh or sarcastic humor.


Conclusion

More needs to be done in the area of parenting in sport. Parents don’t shout over the teacher in school, so why do they feel they have the right to shout over the coach. How many times, have you seen a team where the coach has decided to have their defence drop when they lose the ball, so that the midfield can recover but then the parents on the sideline are screaming “press”, “press”? Johnny has no idea whether he’s coming or going and this distraction could be critical in the teams play.

Ask any child, ‘what they think about their parents shouting on the sideline’? and you will get some very interesting answers. Some that come to mind, “it’s so embarrassing”, “I hate it”, “he doesn’t know what he’s talking about”, “I wish they wouldn’t come to my games”

“By constantly coaching and correcting our kids in the game we are unconsciously, but almost certainly, guaranteeing poor and deteriorating performance. We are taking them away from that unconscious, focused mental state where they need to be to excel”. – Inside Soccer

Parents need to educate themselves with the help of the clubs and leagues on how to behave pitch side. I don’t understand how parents think it’s ok to verbally abuse children on a playing field yet they wouldn’t dream of telling a kid off in a playground. Well, just in case you didn’t notice or weren’t told ‘the football pitch’ is also a play ground, guys!

Just because things happened certain way when they were younger, it doesn’t mean it has to happen that way now. I think it’s about time some parents kept quiet and let the kids play….

PS. Was at a tournament on Saturday and some of the parents in the stands were a disgrace. In all my time coaching that was the worst I’ve heard. (One lady in particular, now names given)

Research: Inside soccer, University of Maryland,

Pic and Video: shows top actor Ray Winstone playing a shouting parent for the English FA Video.

-End

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